Zutara: 'Balance' - Ch 1

#Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters#

~Chapter One~ A Night of Revelations

          Katara sat in the soft grass of a stonewalled garden, leaning idly against the smooth shining bark of a weeping cherry tree, the branches of which arched delicately over her. A few leaves, the buds still furled, stroked the surface of the clear green pond by her feet, shifting and rippling the water when a breeze caught their stems, turtleducks paddling nimbly about them. Her bare feet stirred the cool water (the only cooling presence in the garden besides the occasional breeze that blew across her rose-tinted cheeks and tinkled a nearby metal wind chime). The garden was filled with warm gold sunlight from the sun that was setting beyond the walls – so different to the stark white clarity that she had grown up with in the South Pole – which she had grown to recognise as one of the things she loved about the Fire Nation.
          Katara's hands moved lovingly in her lap as they stroked the dark strands of Zuko's fringe back from his forehead. He was the one thing in the Fire Nation she loved above all others; the lodestone of her heart.
          Zuko's eyes were blissfully closed as he reclined in the soft grass at Katara's side, his fingers interlaced behind his head, enjoying the stroking motion of Katara's hands along his head and in his hair. He loved the perfectly shaped crook that the bend in her lap created for his head, and the soft gentleness of her fingers in his hair and on his head. If the relaxing peacefulness they induced in him was not present, he would have opened his eyes, simply to drink in every movement and expression of her well-loved face. He knew all of her expressions well enough to be able to conjure them before his eyes, but they were nothing to gazing upon the real thing. The young Firelord had not felt such a sense of all pervading calmness since his childhood, sitting by the same pond feeding the young turtleducklings with his mother.
          He frowned slightly with anger, eyes snapping open as he recalled her sacrifice for him – the ruthlessness of his evil father – and his scar and skin all over burned slightly with the flare of his fury.
          Katara felt the tension of anger in Zuko as he stiffened. She smiled with gentle empathy at the anger and anguish that glimmered in his golden eyes, which gazed off with preoccupied intensity to a place that she could never go. Gently she let her fingers drift down from his hair to his face, her touch as light as a butterfly's, to soothe and stroke the fireball shaped scar over Zuko's left eye. The shiny maroon-coloured skin was smooth and firm, pulled taut. It pained her to see the suffering it had, and still did, put Zuko through, and although she could not go with him, she could ease the ache in his heart, and suffering and pain that the memories caused him.
          Zuko continued to frown for a minute or so, but then succumbed to the relaxing sensations of Katara's smooth cool hands on the anger-warmed skin of his scar as she brought him back. His contracted brows relaxed as he closed his eyes, and he let out a heavy sigh that steamed slightly. Even when she wasn't using her considerable healing abilities there was something soothing about the gentling touch of Katara's hands. Zuko smiled, his eyes slightly open. It was a small secret smile, a softness in his golden eyes, that he could never prevent himself from smiling whenever he thought of her, and in her presence, it burgeoned into a smile of such tender sweetness that it broke Katara's heart every time she saw it, and made her fall in love with Zuko all over again.
          With a lithe, graceful movement, Zuko sat up, propped up on his right hand, and leaning over Katara's lap. Their faces were almost touching. His slanted gold eyes burned into hers with a feverish intensity that lit fires in Katara's cheeks and set her heart hammering almost out of her chest. Her round blue eyes sparkled out of her blushing face, gazing into his with such unquestioning love and devotion that Zuko felt his breath catch in his mouth, and for a moment he could not breathe, only gaze at her.
          Then, just before he closed the gap between them, he murmured, "I love you, Katara," his warm breath enveloping her. Katara smiled gently as their noses brushed, her smile widening as their lips closed with gentle firmness on each other.

~o~

          Katara sat bolt upright in her bed, face flushed, the silk sheets of the bed flying to pool on the floor with the suddenness of her movement. Her skin was cold and covered in goose bumps, but there was a slick sheen of sweat on her body, and inside she glowed with heat. She sat, burning hot and cold simultaneously, unmoving, breathing hard in the darkness of the Firelord's summer palace on Ember Island.

          Zuko had recently invited her, Sokka, Suki, Aang and Toph to come and spend the summer with him in the palace. He had had it refurbished, opening up the dark gloomy spaces that had been shut up since his childhood, and letting in the warmth and light of the fresh summer air. Repairs had also been made to the damage that he and Aang had done last time they were there, and it had become altogether more like the welcoming holiday home that it was supposed to be like. They had been there for a week already, and they all had to admit that it was the perfect place to be, even if the last time they had all been there together it had been as fugitives.
          It had been a something of a surprise when Zuko met them alone upon their arrival on Appa – Aang having picked them all up from the Southern Watertribe, as Suki was spending sometime with Sokka there, Toph having already been with Aang visiting the Airtemples –, expecting him to have his Uncle Iroh, or at the very least his girlfriend Mai, for company.
          In Katara's eyes, however, this had been eclipsed by her astonishment at Zuko's appearance. Four years had done a great deal to his appearance, given that the last time they had all been together as a group had been for a couple of weeks in Ba Sing Se, spending time at the Jasmine Dragon after Zuko's coronation, at the beginning of the new era of peace.
          Time had stripped back the boyish roundness of his face, leaving it more angular and mature, revealing that he really was twenty and an adult now, rather than the hot-headed teenager he had been. Katara had found herself having to tilt her head slightly to meet his warm golden eyes, due to a growth spurt that had left him more than a head taller. Self-consciously, she had blushed as their eyes met, and Zuko too seemed to have a slight flush colouring his pale cheeks. For all the growth and changes that he had undergone, his hair hadn't changed at all since their last meeting; it still fell in disorderly spikes over and about his face, for he had removed his topknot for the occasion, and the faint half-smile that had self-consciously quirked his lips was familiar – Katara felt privately glad that his smile hadn't changed. His golden eyes seemed sterner with the burden of responsibility, but laughing and soft at the same time; very different from the blazing hate that she had grown to recognise in them in the year that he had hunted Aang.
          Zuko had expressed his own surprise at the difference in their appearances, which Katara had grown inured to. True, both Sokka and Aang were taller, more angular, just as Zuko was, but in essence, they were still the same. Aang was now taller than her (to her irritated resignation), despite being younger by two years, and had filled out into an adolescent, although he still retained some of the child-like mannerisms and positive outlook that were synonymous with being an airbender. Sokka had begun to grow a beard for some unfathomable reason (an addition that Suki constantly complained about), and had bulked up a bit as he had undergone serious warrior training with his father, making up for lost time. Katara and Suki had remained just about the same in their own opinions, except Katara had relinquished wearing her mother's necklace, storing it carefully in a box kept by Hakoda. The closure she had gained after the war had ended had given her sufficient motivation to think about the necklace, and to come to the conclusion that she carried her mother inside of her, and did not need the inner strength to be in a physical form any longer. Of the girls, Toph showed the biggest change. She, like Aang, had grown into adolescence, gaining height, but still shorter than the two older girls, and retained a child-like roundness in her features that it appeared she would retain as an adult.
          When they had asked after Iroh and Mai, it transpired that Iroh, although offered an invitation, had declined, due to a surge in business at the Jasmine Dragon, which he was beginning to expand, and when Katara had inquired after Mai, all she had received was an unreadable glance from Zuko that confused her even more. The logical explanation was, of course, that they had had an argument. She had talked to Toph and Suki about it, asking them to quiz the young Firelord, but they too had returned confused, unable to extract any explanation from Zuko about his girlfriend's absence.
          For all this, however, Zuko was a gracious host, and the burden of being the Firelord for four years already did not appear to weigh as heavily on his shoulders as Katara had first thought it might. At twenty it seemed he had truly grown into the position, especially if the peace that reigned in the world was anything to judge by. A new Earth King had been found for Ba Sing Se, and those of the Dai Li that remained untrustworthy, had had their bending removed. Aang had visited Bumi in Omashu (taking Toph to meet his old friend) where things had returned to normal, and the Southern Watertribe was beginning to grow and rebuild itself with the men returned, and with the addition of people and waterbenders brought by Pakku from the Northern Sister-Tribe. The majority of the Fire Nation had been happy enough to submit to the wishes of their new Firelord, although some dissidents still remained – but that was inevitable.
          Although she too was four years older, Katara still felt like the young fourteen year old girl she had been before she and Sokka had discovered Aang and Appa in the iceberg when she first came into Zuko's presence.
          All of them felt a little shy of one another to begin with, even though Katara, Aang, Sokka, Suki and Toph had spent the journey together. But the awkwardness had soon drained away, and soon they were all chatting together like old times. Zuko had dismissed all the servants, and the friends soon found themselves falling back into the routines they had lived with for a year when they were on the run.
          It had saddened Katara that Zuko was unhappy, as was clear from his general demeanour when she glanced at him at the times when he thought no one was looking. They had become good friends before Sozen's Comet, and since their joint battle against Azula near the end of the war, their friendship had grown to the extent that they regularly corresponded via messenger hawk. Katara filled Zuko in on Sokka's latest exploits (which, what with the return of his like-minded father and Bato, had begun to become more and more outlandish and wild – despite Suki's influence), and how the rebuilding of the Tribe was going – some valuable improvements for which Zuko had suggested –, whilst Zuko complained about the various sycophants and oppositions he had to encounter in the Royal Court, amusing Katara, and in turn received counselling and advice for which Katara was proving surprisingly adept. Zuko had also begun searching for his mother, a fact that he had shared only with Katara and Iroh, and in turn, Katara often sent helpful advice, and ideas of where he might look for her; as yet, however, it had been in vain. Deprived of his Uncle as an instant sounding board and confidant, Zuko had grown to depend on his communication with Katara because of the promptness with which she always wrote back (Iroh had a tendency to take a long time, getting distracted by his tea shop), and Katara, missing the freedom and broadened perspective that her travels had given her, began to depend on Zuko as a source of outside information – not that she did not enjoy the locality of her situation, for she was heavily involved with Pakku and the other waterbenders, in building and expanding the Tribe's architecture, which involved learning a great deal of new waterbending forms.

          However, for all that Katara had settled back into her old way of life, there were still times at night when she would suddenly start awake, sweating, having relived the moment when Zuko had shielded her from Azula's lightning with his own body, and the fear that it had struck into her heart.
          Not for herself; but for Zuko.
          Katara rubbed her arms as her skin prickled at the thought.
          Zuko.
          Dead. It was unthinkable.
          Katara screwed the heel of her palms into her eyes, and scrubbed her hands up into her hair, frowning. But why did she feel this way? She had not always felt like this. She recalled when he had first joined their group, and the death threat she had made to him. She shuddered involuntarily, angry at her own foolish hot-headedness. With a gusty sigh she flopped back into her pillows, her mind dwelling, rather pleasantly, on Zuko. She smiled slightly. Her mind full of the fuzzy feeling, that she always felt when she received one of his letters, or whenever she thought about him. It was ironic the amount of affection she felt for him now, especially when she had spent almost a year of her life hating him. Perhaps it was merely an increase in her friendship with him. She recalled his touching interest and kindness when she and Aang had announced that they would not be together during their stay in Ba Sing Se after Zuko's coronation. He had been so concerned and anxious, so supportive – the only one who had been right from the start, despite his own shock.
          Katara rolled over onto her side, lying illuminated in a patch of silver light as the moon shone through the half-closed shutters. She thought about the event. Both she and Aang knew, after their kiss in Ba Sing Se once the war had ended, and as Sokka drew his hideous painting of them all, that they were not meant to be together. They could be, if they wanted – there would have been no lack of genuine friendship in their relationship – but both had confessed to each other after a week of slightly awkward discussions that they knew their relationship lacked the passion it should have contained it they were truly in love with each other, and that if they had tried to make it work in that way, neither would remain happy for long. On both sides it had just been young love – particularly for Aang; Katara had been the first girl he had ever loved. They were content now to remain good, close friends; but nothing more.
          Katara knew that she would feel something special when she found the man she was supposed to be with. She wasn't sure what, but she knew, inexplicably, that she would feel something. A flash of sparks perhaps. She had speculated at length on nights when she couldn't sleep as to who he might be, whether she had met him already, but had only managed to come to the conclusion that he might be a powerful bender. After all, Aunt Wu had predicted that she would fall in love with a powerful bender. She had thought that it might be Aang – after all, who could be more powerful than the Avatar – but, then again, Sokka had caused some doubts as to Aunt Wu's veracity, and she knew better than to live her life by a prediction now.
          Usually she fell asleep before she could think of any other possibilities, and her dreams would be filled with faceless men bending the elements; that at least was a high possibility.
          Once she and Aang had decided upon a course of action it had been easy. The shocked expressions of the others had been hard to bear at first, but soothed by Zuko's support, and the mutual agreement and easiness she and Aang shared with one another afterwards; once sorted, all awkwardness had disappeared.

          Katara shook her head, trying to clear it. It felt muzzy with warmth and old memories. Silently she got up, wearing only her underclothes and a blue silk robe Zuko had provided (it appeared he had organised for all of their wardrobes to be filled with appropriate clothing for the hot weather), and left her room.
          The cool silence of the house was soothing, calming her thoughts, and Katara felt her mind turning back to the events of that day, trying to find a reason for her dream about Zuko.
          It had been cool enough that morning that the boys had decided to organise a bending competition. Sokka and Suki, of course, were the only non-benders, and so acted as referees and judges. To make it fair Aang was only allowed to airbend, so that each of them represented one of the elements. Toph had been all for the fight, raring to go, but Katara had taken a bit of persuading from the others and the situation in which it was achieved had been acutely embarrassing for her. She blushed at the memory as she walked idly along.
          She had been watching Zuko practice his bending alone in the courtyard, standing in the shadows by one of the entrances. He had only been wearing his usual trousers, and his muscular chest was slick with sweat from his exertions and the heat of the flames he had been bending. More than anything else, Katara had not made her presence known because, although she did appreciate the grace and strength with which he executed the various stances, she also couldn't keep her eyes from wandering back along his sculpted chest, up the swiftly moving planes of muscle along his back and shoulders, along his arms as they flexed, and up to his face where she lingered on the sweet, slightly stern, but completely calm expression on it as he concentrated.
          She had not intentionally sought him out, only stumbled upon the courtyard as she wandered about the house, and had originally not had any intention of watching him. It was odd, seeing him, after the years of their communication; but she could see the Zuko that she knew from his letters in the Zuko that she now saw. She did not know how long she might have continued to stand there for, if it had not been for Aang and Sokka bursting in, clamouring for her support of their idea – apparently having been told by Toph where she was. It had been difficult to cover up that she had been watching – Zuko having instantly noticed their combined presence, and stopped his practice. It had become even more awkward for her when he came over, a questioning smile on his lips and a spark of interest about the discussion kindled in his eyes as he wiped the sweat off himself with a towel. Sokka – completely oblivious to everything – had began to ask, having finally realised, "Katara, why were you watc–". As much as she wished she could have slapped Sokka with the water from the fountain, Katara felt it would have been a little too obvious, and instead, for the sake of shutting him up in as inconspicuous a manner as possible, she had hastily agreed, angry with herself for blushing as Aang and Sokka turned to Zuko, asking him to join in.
          The actual competition had been pretty fun, she had to admit, but all through it she had had the slightly uncomfortable sensation that Zuko was watching her, and occasionally when she glanced at him, trying to see if he was, their eyes met and she couldn't help but go red. More than once this had cost her when she was fighting Toph, as, although the earthbender couldn't see, her strikes caught Katara off guard.
          Zuko too had seemed somewhat nervy. Whenever their eyes met across the courtyard, he too flamed, his pale cheeks flushing, and a small smile tugged his lips each time he caught her glancing at him – a fact that both pleased and irritated Katara, even through her embarrassment.
          In the private darkness of the empty corridors, Katara flushed as she remembered when she and Zuko had finally versed each other. There had been a moment when had come face to face, a breath away from touching, and both had frozen, gazing into each others eyes. Sokka, with his usual impeccable timing, had ruined the moment, calling out for them to hurry up with the competition, and to get moving.
          Now, as she wandered aimlessly through the soothing dark corridors of the summer palace, Katara wondered why she had been dreaming about Zuko. What was more, Zuko kissing her! She felt her face flush warmly in the darkness, and pressed her glowing cheeks against a cool wooden pillar, eyes closed. Her mind wandered back to her dream. It had felt nice, kissing Zuko. Katara frowned slightly. This was ridiculous. She shouldn't be dreaming about this sort of stuff. He was Zuko! Firelord Zuko! He had a girlfriend. They were just close friends. Nothing more, nothing less.
          A little thought flowered in the back of her mind, small and tentative. But, perhaps, he doesn't like Mai anymore, said the small voice in the back of her mind. Perhaps that was why she was not there; that they had had an argument or had separated. Perhaps that was why every time their eyes met, he blushed. Or was that just wishful thinking? Katara sighed, frowning deeply.
          She shook her head.
          Deep inside her heart, Katara admitted that she did wish that they weren't together anymore. Don't be stupid, said her conscience. Zuko and Mai are your friends. It was true. Friendship had grown in the entire group for Mai, once they had all gotten to know her, and after Sokka had dropped his partially unfounded suspicions. Zuko depends on you. He was supportive of you – you must be supportive of him.
          In an attempt to drive away the trickle of inviting thoughts that had begun to spin off the dream and her conjectures, Katara immersed herself in the soft feeling of the wind stroking her warm cheeks, and the cool smoothness of the wood against her face. The night air was pleasantly warm, with the occasional cool breeze blowing in from across the sea. It was fresh and vibrant, even at night. It was just a dream, she thought to herself. It means nothing; it was just a dream.
          Unknowingly, Katara's legs had taken her back to the same courtyard she had watched Zuko practicing in that day, and that the competition had later been held in. As she stood, leaning against the cool pillar, a sound came to her. Opening her eyes she glanced about in the darkness, a fleeting moment of fear striking her heart as she recalled the terror of being hunted. She shook herself, remembering that the Fire Nation no longer ruled the world, that she was safe, a friend of the Firelord, and that the hundred years of war was over. Mastering the irrational stab of fear, Katara breathed deeply. Curiously, she peered around the side of the pillar.